actually, I'm a sock model
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
