and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
