She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
