Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We are all done wearing pants today
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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