Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
