i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Randomize
