But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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