STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
