She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
