bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
