you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
