This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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