when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
