Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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