I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
