He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
