we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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