I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
