Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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