I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
