the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
