I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
