She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I faked an abortion last night.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Randomize
