i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
