Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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