i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
