I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
