I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
