I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
