i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
