i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
