Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
