i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
