i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
