If i come over, it means nothing
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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