we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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