then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
