I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
My ass is underappreciated
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
