god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
