There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
