I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
