yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
