I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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