Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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