A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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