i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
