he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
