Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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