Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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