She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
