Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Soap is not a condiment
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
