I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
