Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
