i'm signing you up for texting rehab
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
