I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Fuck appropriateness.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
