Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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