Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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